How stepping back helped me move forward

In 2017, I didn't pack my bike case once. I didn't use my passport. I didn't run through airports to make connections, use google translate to ask for an edible meal, put on race tattoos (and attempt taking them off), or turn off my cellular data to avoid international charges.

I was in Connecticut, living out of a closet, instead of a suitcase, seeing my family more than for just the holiday season, recovering from a really challenging time in my career. For awhile, I didn't miss all of the things about being a professional athlete...and that was ok.

Eventually, I did miss my career though. I missed all of it. Not in a "time has passed, so I should miss the sport I love," sort of way either, but from a very deep place in my heart, I felt a longing to return to racing, to return to the process of seeing how good I can be. And for the first time, it was for me...not to prove to people that I could, or to make my family proud, or to live up to some expectations, but simply and purely for myself. 

Originally when I committed to taking a true break, I was fearful that my career was over. I experienced a real identity crisis, and struggled with understanding my purpose when I wasn't engaged in the process of becoming the best athlete I could be. Over time, and with the support of my family, friends and community, I realized that I am much more than a professional athlete. I am a coach, mentor, daughter, sister, aunt (love you little TJ!), writer, friend. And, regardless of what some have told me in the past, sport is not who I am, but something I do. That belief doesn't mean that I am any less committed- it just means that I don't let what I do consume me in an unhealthy way. Being balanced makes me a better athlete, and as soon as I learned that and accepted that, I began taking steps forward.

It has been a long, challenging, crazy-rewarding journey back to the start line, but I have never been more proud. My first half of the season was a good starting point, and I am learning, tweaking, growing with the support of my team as I move forward from here. 

Up next- two races for MLT in Atlantic City, NJ and Vail, CO, and an altitude block in Boulder. Someone once told me that people go to Boulder to get slow. That same person told me I shouldn't return to racing. 

:) 

"Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about." - Winston Churchill